Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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