jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
