i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
