You just made me feel so damn special
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
