don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
