I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
