i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
