Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
