So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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