What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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