You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
