Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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