Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
