So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
