I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
