You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
