i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
