Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
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I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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