So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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