News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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