What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
