I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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