In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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