There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
