**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
