im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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