she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
