The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
