If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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