I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
