You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
