i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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