maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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