If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
