I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
