her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
