Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
