I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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