when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
