so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just puked most of my soul out..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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