there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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