But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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