i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
