why didn't you poke me back
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
