can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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