I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
