I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
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Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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