No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
