I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
