Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize