she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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