i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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