your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
