the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
