do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
