I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
