If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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