I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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