May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
