I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
