Why does Corona taste like a burp?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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