SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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