yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
