Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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