I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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