So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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