my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wish my penis had a tongue
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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