So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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