I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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