I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
