He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
