PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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