Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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