I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
