I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
