So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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