Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
