Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
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