Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
