I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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