Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
