This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
